Good morning one and all. It is a fantastic morning. And I have some fantastic news. Not only do I have a new book out But smashwords is having their annual winter sale which starts today. I’ll put up a separate post about that in just a few minutes. But for now, it is on with the morning prompt!
Not my favorite prompt. But who knows what it will turn into at a later date. For now, it will linger in the file in case I need it.
Friday, December 17th: He stared at me until I was forced to look away.
He stared at me until I was forced to look away. I hated this feeling. I wanted to protest that it wasn’t my fault, that I wasn’t responsible, but no words would come. My department caused the error and someone had to be blamed. The fact that I wasn’t in charge of the project and in fact had nothing to do with it, was irrelevant. The blame was passed because I was expendable. I knew that many in my department were looking to get rid of me. If the effects of the project’s issues hadn’t been so calamitous, I would have suspected that someone deliberately flubbed it just so that the blame could be passed.
I thought about fighting it, but decided ultimately it wasn’t worth it. I looked away and I took the blame. And then I walked out. It was the disappointment in the vice president eyes that caused me to regret leaving.
The regret was short lived though.
I knew I was not the failure so his disappointment was misplaced. It was only after a few days of reflection that I began to grow angry at his disappointment rather than shammed and saddened by it. All of my colleagues grew up in the same neighborhood. They attended school together from kindergarten all the way through, even attending the same university. Their background wasn’t any better than mine, it was simply more unified. My schools and education were just as good, they were just different. It was why I was hired.
On the day I was hired the Vice President himself told me that he hoped my differing background would help as new adjustments were made. He told me he valued the differences. And then he threw me to the wolves. The others saw no value in my difference. They merely saw an interloper and tried to oust me as quickly as possible. The VP knew what was going on as human resources had been required to notify him after a couple of incidents earlier that year. Still he did nothing and showed disappointment that I didn’t do better.
Well I was disappointed in him. And I was angry he didn’t do better.
The anger though was hard to sustain. Mostly what I felt as I left the company behind, was relief. I would never have to go back there and would never have to work for them again. My coworkers could fade into my past like a bad dream.
The job offers came as soon as word made its way around that I was let go. I went on a few interviews, nervous about my firing and how it would be perceived. I was surprised and relieved to find that the company’s reputation preceded me and that many people were impressed by how long I managed to last. It was as though I survived a trial by fire and came out stronger, more valuable as an asset to others. I had my pick of jobs and took the one I thought most suited me.
Three months in, I knew I made the right choice. I thrived in my new environment. My stress level decreased, my productivity increased and the low level of anxiety that built up during my time with the other company dissipated. I didn’t even realize it was gone until my phone rang, my former employer’s number flashing on my phone’s screen.
Ten til Midnight 