Morning. I had very strange dreams last night. Each one was separate, like little vignettes but in each one a groundhog would pop up, look around shake his head and then disappear. Like he was looking for a specific dream. that is going to bother me for the rest of the day. So, writing prompt?
This was not really what I expected to come out when I sat down with this prompt. I love how sometimes my brain can surprise me. except for the ground hog. I am still going to be thinking about him. i may have to come back to this story thought.
Tuesday, September 13th: My expectations were low.
My expectations were low. Thus far the board had rejected my proposal six times. I knew the plan had merit and so with each rejection I made adjustments, trying to make the project more palatable. The fact that I had to take this to the board still rankled.
They were not the most imaginative of men. They wanted to do what their fathers and grandfathers had done. They also wanted to behave as they did as well. Which included their attitudes towards the female employees, unfortunately. While most of them managed not to grope the staff and thus court sexual harassment charges, any project put forward by a woman would have to go through extra hoops that the men were not required to do. It was called fast tracking and was supposed to be for those trusted employees with good records. In truth it was not only male staff who were placed on the list but all male staff who were automatically placed on the list, from interns to senior executives.
The women of the company had to create a series of presentations for any projects they wanted to propose. There was always a chance that the project would strike a chord with the board and receive the green light, which was one of the reasons she kept trying. The other reason was that pay raises were based on successful projects. To be successful it had to be accepted. It was a way to keep the pay scale for the women in the company low without having it seem to be gender biased.
I sat outside the board room waiting for my turn to present. There were three of us today and I was the last to go. I tried to banish all of my anger and resentment as I waited, focusing on only the details at hand. The woman before me came out. Her shoulders were slumped and she looked resigned. She looked at me as I stood.
“They are in rare form today,’ she said. “Good luck.”
I nodded and strode forward, determined to be professional. As the door closed I realized I was likely to be the only one professional. It was clear that lunch had involved a few drinks ant those drinks were taking effect. Some of the board were glassy eyed and half asleep. Others were scrolling through their phones. No one was really listening to me. They made a pretense as my presentation started, but their attention soon wavered. Two of the gentlemen of the board started having a conversation about gold even as I was speaking, ignoring me completely.
Still I managed to get through it and received the standard, ‘we’ll take int under consideration,’ line that II was accustomed to hearing from them None of them even took the packets I prepared for them with further details and reference points. I picked up the stack I walked in with and walked out of the board room. And I kept walking. I reached the elevator and took it to my desk. I looked around and realized there was nothing personal I really needed to take with me. I slipped the proposals into my laptop bag and made certain anything personal was also in the bag and then I walked out of the office. I reached the elevator again and this time took it down to the garage. I left it and went straight to my car. In the morning I would tender my official resignation, for now, I simply needed to get out of the building, to be anywhere else. I had low expectations going in. I expected that my proposal would once again be rejected. I also knew each rejection caused me to rethink sections of the project, honing it into something better, something more than it was at the beginning. Even though I knew that wasn’t why they were rejecting it, their rejection still helped me.
This did not help. This was insulting and demeaning beyond all that I could accept. I had reached my end with Thorataiton Inc and was ready to cut them loose. Where I would go from here I didn’t know. But I knew I wasn’t going back.
Ten til Midnight 